So I’ve been thinking about it for a while now, and I think I have the words. When folks initiate these “empowerment” campaigns for women of color, or full-figured women, or whatever “underdog” group, while I understand and salute the attempt to instill pride in oneself and implant positive thinking in our children before the ugly world makes them self-conscious, they usually come off to me as attempts to rise above, or justify, or come from behind, rather than a fist pump in the air saying, “I know I’m the shit. Now you know it too.” There are usually subconscious comparisons drawn, like we want you to know you’re just as good as…whomever, or whatever group. That, to me, is the issue. If you’re celebrating me/us for a specific reason, if you’re encouraging me, showing me what you see about me that is phenomenal, we shouldn’t even be talking about anybody else. We should just roll around in all that is wonderful with me/us.
I just cannot help feeling like the whole “empowerment” thing is usually engineered by someone who neither embodies these attributes nor comprehends their actual power–someone who simply wishes they felt better about themselves, based on the beauty they perceive in others. And I believe that is where the real need lies–in that person or persons, and in those who jump on the bandwagon with them. Yes, I have a general distrust for politics and most people and their motives, but the point is I do not walk around with the notion that I’m an acquired taste because I’m full-figured, or because my natural hair is curly rather than straight, or that people need convincing to see my beauty or as an outcast or anything other than all the incredible things that make me–me.
I’m great personally, individually. Speaking of which, telling me that I’m just as good as anybody else is kind of an insult. It says you really don’t see ME at all. If you’re ever put into a situation where you need to choose between someone else and me, and it’s a struggle for you, go with her/him. You don’t get it. And I want someone who does–regardless of the nature of the relationship. See, that’s what I’m talking about. You wanna compliment me, encourage me, empower me, elevate me, you gotta see me first, with nobody else in the frame. And I think that other kind of “empowerment” feeds dormant insecurity by bringing attention to the fact that you’re different, but with qualifiers, kind of like when someone says your curly hair is nice. “I prefer straight, but it’s nice on you.” I’m like girl bye. You can’t do what I do, cause it’s for me. Doesn’t make you or me less anything. Who assumes it does? Promoters, producers, opportunists maybe, and her. And now you’re buying into the slight she just dealt you. Well stop it. Different is great. It’s a bundle of opportunity rolled into a heap of educational potential.
Here’s where I’m gonna lose some of you. I happen to be a black woman. I happen to be a full-figured, voluptuous woman. I happen to have natural hair that I flat iron on occasion. I am not my hair, my weight, my race, my ethnicity, my job, or current place of residence. Much of that can change depending on what day it is. What I will always be is a beautiful woman though. It is categorically undeniable that I am of the female persuasion, and that I have brown skin. I have much in common with other women–because of how we’re made. I am bonded with several other women on this planet because of what we have experienced. But as an individual, there are things about this woman that set me apart from everyone else, everywhere. I can’t jump on the bandwagon and support every black woman movement or plus-size movement or natural hair support group somebody comes up with simply because like I said, it aint always about what they say it’s about, and I can’t agree just because we look alike. What are your insides like girl? You can call me separatist if you want, but I’m not buying it. I prefer the term realist. Most of what people do is not with my best interest at heart, and for that reason, I’m out. I surely haven’t seen any of the profits from these causes and events for me and people like me. Let me know if we’re still equals then.
By the way, who joins a group just to separate themselves from other groups? Okay, maybe you need to be surrounded by those of like mind, or with similar struggle, or to be in the presence of persons who are reaching for this or that. Maybe you seek leadership and subscribe to political agendas and cannot imagine living without that kind of structure and association. Maybe you need other people to help motivate you to do whatever, so you immerse yourself in groups of people. Carry on. But ask yourself who’s leading that group, and who’s profiting from it? Did you even choose the leader? Would you have chosen that person? Do they represent your interests fully? Could you be the leader? Think about it. What’s in it for you? How is your group better than all the others? What is “better” anyway? Define what you need and want. You’re already a separate and unique entity with positive attributes. So is she, and he, and that girl over there, and that guy over there. And me too. But I wasn’t built for the bandwagon.
When my blessings come, they come directly to me, hand-picked for me. When judgment is upon me, it will come for me only. I can’t whip out any card from any group and get a pass. When the bills come, they come in my name, and my credit report only has one name on it. I always wondered what was so wrong with me that I didn’t do well in groups. Well, it’s not that wrong at all. It’s that I’m turned off by human politics, hierarchy, smoke screens, and bullshit. And I surely can’t tolerate being limited or frowned upon or compared because of somebody else’s ignorance or self-importance. Pass. I am me. If you don’t get it, you don’t get it. It’ll never work out between us. Carry on.
From the Mind of:
Tonya D. Floyd
www.tonyadfloyd.com
Twitter: @SignatureMoves
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