We need to talk. So I’ve been checking out a few of these internet therapists who are licensed or certified in this and that, or are simply “life coaches.” I noticed a disturbing trend where they start to sound very biased toward Gen Z and the younger generations. Many of them are OF these generations, and therefore subscribe to ideals and behavior patterns of such. They’re looking through a cloudy lens, IMHO. The issue I see is they judge, categorize, label, look down on and have negative opinions of Gen X and those before us–basically their parents and other elders.
I’m usually a proponent of going to counseling for this issue or that, and I would still recommend that anyone who feels the need should do so; however, I’ll caution you to avoid anyone who seems to have an agenda they want you to subscribe to, or a narrative they’d like to push because of their own upbringing or environment. Therapy used to be a place you went to learn coping skills, pick up tools for managing tough emotions or unpacking complicated feelings and such. It provided a road map of healing and next steps through the thing that kept you from being your best, most productive, highly-esteemed self. It did for me, anyway.
As terrible as it sounds, now that these kids have gotten a hold of some higher education, they’ve tainted the therapy pool and now every parent is a lying, narcissistic villain who always meant to destroy you. What???? It sounds very much like the sociopaths (I know, ASPD is the proper term) and narcissists have infiltrated the ranks and are hell-bent on discrediting and destroying the prior generations. The patients have assumed control of the asylum.
Ok that was rude, but you get it. These days I see a lot of “you didn’t do it right, so I’m gonna show you how it’s supposed to be done” mentality, but in word only. Don’t even get me started on the “I’ve gone no-contact with my parents” movement. Listen, there are clear, obvious, indisputable circumstances which should send anyone running to the authorities. But a LOT of these young people’s deeds suggest they’re just angry and acting out because they didn’t get their way.
They’re not living better. They’re not parenting better. They’re not prioritizing family or faith or future planning. They seem to value nothing. I see a lot of blame shifting and self-loathing manifested in their weed addiction and inability to maintain any kind of relationship or hold down actual jobs. I see stagnation of at least one generation, and tantrums on a grand scale.
I see disappointment with self, and with the lack of a huge following on social media, and with the fact that your family can’t afford to give you support beyond a certain age. Hell, some of us are barely making it ourselves! We have to figure out ways to retire and relax without becoming homeless. We have to work well past 50 in many cases. Then you come in looking like, “Why are you still in bed at noon?” Cause I earned it! I know I worked a straight 40 years, and I can if I want to. Shut up and get out of my room. When you leave my house, pull the front door so the lock can engage behind you….
I was talking to my cousin today, and she said something like, ‘Your parents didn’t love you enough, give you enough, whatever. That’s all of our story. They gave you everything they had. Now what are you going to do for yourself?’ Another cousin said recently, “We need to give our parents grace.” But y’all want blood. You want visible suffering. You want a pound of flesh. You want to burn the house down with them in it. That doesn’t sound healthy at all to me. I ain’t gonna judge you though.
You be the judge. Am I tripping? I doubt it. Everywhere I turn, I see some young adult denouncing their parent for being a narcissist, toxic, abusive or some other negative term. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think it was a mass agenda to excuse the fact that they don’t wanna accept responsibility for their own actions, decisions, failures or the consequences of those, and a definite effort to circumvent accountability.
Life didn’t turn out like you planned. Own that, ask for help if there’s still a bridge around to cross, and apologize if there’s not. And get on with your life. It’s yours now; go forth and make change you can be proud of.
From the Mind of Tonya D Floyd, Author & Lifestyle Consultant