I know; it sounds crazy, but I’m really having a hard time with this. I confess–Audrey is me. I can’t tell you how many dating disasters I’ve seen, and I had to find a comical way to depict myself without skewing the data too much. Audrey, one of my alter-ego’s, was born to tell of my story as a man trapped deep in the heart of a beautiful woman. You don’t know how often guys challenge me about everything, just because I’m a girl. Dude, I told you what I think is wrong with the car. Just do what I asked you. I can read, and I can think. This isn’t man’s work. Sir, please don’t talk to me that way. I’m not slow, and I’m familiar with the procedure for laying floors; I’ve done it before. Dude! I think I can operate a reciprocating saw; can you PLEASE give me the aisle number for the blades? Please?! My favorite was the time I went to Lowe’s and asked if I could get the brad nailer on sale instead of the finishing nailer; the difference is so minor for what I need to do. And I can always putty the holes after. He just looked at me. I swear they never look at the guys that way, ever. Bammas.
Mercy! I may look like a regular girl, but I have super powers, and I can read your mind. Well, I can follow along anyway, cause I do tend to think like a man at times. When they talk, I can listen without judging cause I’ve felt some of that too. Why can’t it be simpler? Why do they fall apart all the time? Why do we have to argue? Why tell me your issue if not to get a solution? I don’t have time to rack up points for hearing you whine. You wanna talk? Use strategy, and leverage. What’s most likely to get my attention? When am I most reasonable? Oh yeah, and what’s love got to do with it? Know your role! And it would help if you knew his. But see? Even when you can understand them better and ease up off them, most of them still aren’t happy. They just can’t handle a woman who gives all that, cause it’s not what they’re used to. Or does it threaten them in some way? Hmmm…
I see some of you shaking your heads, but call me a translator. I can speak both languages. I can also amp up whichever side I need to use at the time. Don’t get it twisted–I’m still very much a woman, and I understand what men want; the thing is none of them so far has been able to deal with me and leave the ego out of it. That’s the thing I don’t have–male ego. It allows me to remain flexible where they would generally harden and refuse to back down. So we bump heads. I had a talk with a friend recently, and he broke it down like: “You’re a dude. What dude can be with another dude and accept that all the time? You clash. Your girl side comes in when you want it to, but you usually don’t want it to. So you need a more sensitive dude to deal with you, so he can let you run it and not get in your way. Or you need an alpha who can put you in your place. You’d respect an alpha.”
I would indeed. But I still debate his argument in my head because even I don’t want some dude telling me what to do or how it’s gonna be all the time–regardless of how capable I think he is of doing so. When I have something to say, I expect to be heard, and action to ensue. So I’m still searching. No, I’m waiting. I can’t possibly be that hard to deal with. And I have my finer points too, but I usually end up with types who think I’m great fun, when they have time to play with me. Uh, dude, I will crack your forehead if you keep treating me like a nice sparkly watch–pulling me out when you wanna show off your best piece and your status. Bamma.
Anyway, Audrey expresses my past and present struggles, but she found true love. It’s fiction, but Nothing New Under the Sun is full of real life, mixed with a few ideals, and a dab of hope. It can’t be too far-fetched if that many people related to it, and demand the sequel. They wanna know what happens; so do I….
From the Mind of:
Tonya D. Floyd,
I believe in love. Looking forward to it.
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