Not anymore. It’s like I woke up and decided I don’t need to work hard at being accepted or included in any group, family, club, couple or anywhere–including skinny. Look, when I decided to drop some weight and eat better, it was clearly with the objective of making changes I can live with long-term. Same with my social interactions. If it’s manageable without stressing me out, depriving me of what I enjoy, or interrupting my daily flow, I’m down. If it begins to demand more of me than I have available at the time, it’s been real. Out.
I know much of this comes with age, because before age 40, I only wanted to be a size 12, married, successful, working really hard at something lucrative that would change the world, and a good mother. Today I want peace, clean spaces around me, enough to eat, sustenance and covering kinda stuff. I want to be at ease, not chasing things and people and love every day of my life, only to realize if that specific thing was meant for me, I wouldn’t be chasing it. It would be provided for me.
I’m good. As is. Somebody told me it’s possible I don’t have a man right now because I need to focus on my work, growing the efforts I’ve already invested in. Who was that? I don’t remember, but you were right. I’m not ready to hand over my remote, watch ESPN (I prefer NFL Network myself), or share air with a man in the beginning stages of a new relationship. I honestly believe writing another book would be easier at this stage of my life. No joke, I can breeze through that and get lost in it too. Bonding, quality time, his kids, Kyle, EJ, the white dog, talking,….pass.
I am where I belong. And I like it. That’s most likely why certain things haven’t changed. He knows my heart, and my purpose. I’m good.
From the Mind of:
Tonya D. Floyd
Have you been counted?
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