Forgiveness. You can forgive someone for specific actions or how those actions made you feel. However, when they’re just being themselves, doing what they naturally do because that’s who they are, it’s not considered forgiveness. It’s considered acceptance–a conscious choice to continue in a relationship with this person knowing full well their package comes with a set of behaviors that offend, hurt or otherwise disagree with who you are DAILY. So you’re cool with that? Not really.
You’ll try for love or loyalty or something. That’s when you’ll end up having to forgive yourself for letting them shit on you consistently and without remorse. They’re just living; no need or cause for them to feel bad. Been there, done that. Felt like I was beating myself up twice. First for accepting the abusive, one-sided relationship, and again for blaming me for allowing that.
You know that’s grief, right? You know what grief does to your insides and your outlook, right? Would you take a knife and stab yourself repeatedly, bleed out for a while, then patch it back up right after? Every day?
Nah, let them go. Save those years of trauma and healing. You don’t have to actively say or do anything specific; just distance yourself gradually. No announcement is necessary. They’ll only deny, refute and deflect. So how do you do that, literally?
You know how you make a new year’s resolution? Or have you ever decided to eat better, or lose weight, or read your Bible more, or have more quiet time to yourself? It’s like that. You decide. Then you start. One day at a time you do something different, going in a completely different direction, for the sake of being a better, healthier, stronger version of you. Will you fail? Probably. A couple of times. But you’ll begin again.
One choice, one decision, one foot, one step, one day at a time is how you change anything. I mean, do you wanna live or no? Cause this is real live killing you from the inside. Just as sure as drugs or disease would eat you alive, stress attacks your heart, liver, kidneys….
Release them. Choose you. I’m praying for you. Be well. Thrive. Onward….
From the Mind of Tonya D Floyd