I’ve been taking my vitamins and supplements regularly so I have more energy than before. And though I fell asleep around 9 last night, I find myself very alert–have been since 4am. I read this post on social media about relationships, and everybody was talking about women and their “low self esteem” being the reason they allow whatever or end up in abusive relationships or blah blah blah.
It’s so annoying to see and hear ladies blaming that and their parents and their upbringing and the whole community for why they currently have issues in every relationship. Like are we really out here aspiring to high self-esteem like that’s a thing? Are we really saying that as adults we can only justify our actions by blaming someone else? And then what? To what end?
So my daughter is on this tangent lately about how I ruined her life when she was young. I was awful and I didn’t give her the best clothes or hairdos and so forth. This alleged neglect trickled down to today and she’s still here in my house, and well, you get the gist. And while she’s entirely entitled to feel that way, I don’t wanna hear the shit ’cause at 26, it’s YOUR job to find yourself, go that way and make a better life for you while you ruin your own kid’s life (that’s usually not the goal, but still).
Go somewhere and shut the hell up, ’cause who wasn’t ruined by something their parents did? You either got too much or too little and now you’re mad cause the world won’t give you what you deem enough for you. So yeah that’s how I feel about it.
I’ve tried putting myself in her shoes, looking at my actions from the outside, analyzing what I did and why…. I stopped though, primarily ’cause A: If I wanted to change anything, I could not do so now, and B: I’m proud of myself for making some pretty tough choices back then and arriving at this place in my life. Be mad if you wanna, but if you ask me, that’s a waste of very valuable time and energy. Go forth and show me how it’s SUPPOSED to be done.
You get what you get in this life, until you decide to make something else happen. When you begin to plan, then execute the program for the rest of your life is when things begin to change. Don’t talk to me about self-esteem because how you view yourself and what you want for yourself is only partially defined by how others view you and what they say to you about you.
There are two parts to the self–the id and the ego. The latter is how YOU see you. It’s not somebody else’s job to tell you who you are; you’re participating in that assessment. You have to ask and answer that question for yourself. Nobody has to tell you when it’s time to do that either. It’s part of your programming, like learning to walk or going to the bathroom. When it’s time, it just happens regardless of where you are or what’s happening around you.
I honestly believe many people ask the question and despise the answers they get, so rather than dealing with, accepting or correcting the truth of who or what they are, they blame everything and everybody for making them this “awful, wretched, unworthy” person, and expect courtesies to be extended because of their “predicament.” Somehow that absolves them of any responsibility for the actions of said wretch. No, it was you the whole time.
Look, this post is not designed to be a pep talk. It’s more of a challenge than anything. I see your bullshit and I call your bluff. You’ve been lying to yourself and everyone you’ve ever been in any kind of relationship with, so your character is exposed. You’re a coward for not confronting the parts of yourself that shame you, and you’re a manipulator for trying to get others to feel sorry for you and go along with that mess. Low self-esteem… you may actually be a narcissist. Might wanna get that checked, but you won’t.
I’ve chosen to be accountable for the parts of me I feel should be improved, so I’m on a daily regimen of self-awareness, self-study and self-love to get that all smoothed out. Likewise, I’m exceptionally proud of the breakthroughs I’ve achieved in becoming this woman right here, so kindly leave me alone. I don’t wanna get any of your manipulation juice on me.
Low self-esteem my ass! If they told you you ain’t shit and you believed them, either they’re right, or you might be depressed or otherwise chemically imbalanced; seek professional medical and psychological help. There is no shame in using medicine to solve a real problem. If you looked within and didn’t like what you saw, great! That’s a good start. But you gotta do the work following that discovery to make yourself better for you.
I will say I firmly believe there’s a tiny portion of the population who may have been so severely beaten down in life that they can only see how incredibly inferior they are to everyone else, and those people–that really small group of people–also need professional psychological help and genuine nurturing to see why they deserve to be an active part of this world.
They need help to overwrite their prior programming so they can see the gifts and beauty they possess. They need help to see why they should even bother being here. They probably don’t even know what to call what they’re experiencing daily. I respect all of that.
I’m betting you will not see or hear them say, “I have low self-esteem caused by….” That declaration is manipulative, if you ask me. It requires a certain level of self-awareness and is usually accompanied by a non-verbal request for sympathy or other action/attention from others. Those actually suffering would likely want to remain “invisible” while they sort out who they really are.
Of course, all of this is based on my limited understanding of people and behavior from my studies and observations over the years. I could be completely wrong, though the likelihood of that is pretty low. I’ve been watching you all, and most of you should be ashamed–and in therapy somewhere.
From the Mind of Tonya D. Floyd