Be good to yourself too. Treat you to vacations and pedicures and whatever you need to feel physically and mentally amazing. But to be kind is a different thing. I’m talking about showing yourself empathy, loving on yourself–reflecting on those qualities and quirks that make you the individual you are–and getting puffed up a little bit cause you are kind of a big deal.
I’m late to the party, but my cousin introduced me to the works of Dr. Brené Brown just last week, and it literally changed my life. After listening to her talks on how vulnerability and shame influence our interactions with others–how misusing them can interfere with our ability to bond with others–I took self-inventory, and realized I’ve been unkind to myself out of shame. Yup.
I’m divorced. I never maxed out the GS ladder. But most notable is my fat-shaming me. I’ve never been thin enough, or shaped just right, nor would I ever be any man’s first choice–in my mind. Oh, what I wouldn’t give to be my 1993 self right now though!
I have tried many weight loss tricks over the years. Absolutely nothing worked. Most plans made me dizzy, and required me to avoid fat, limit protein portion/choose lean meats instead. Drink more water. Eat more greens. Fat is bad, right?
I thought I was dying when I was waiting for my gallbladder surgery, because I couldn’t eat any fat. A whole month. Lost 22 lbs. But I felt like crap. Light-headed, dizzy, tired, uninterested in everything…. I shut down all weight loss efforts after that. This size 16 is where I’ll be. But I’ll do some squats….
Well I’m late to this party too, but I did some research on weight loss, and it turns out my metabolic type calls for fat and protein, with a sprinkling of healthy carbs here and there. I stand a better chance at anything and everything if I would simply eat for my body type. Yesterday I had bacon and egg on English muffin, heavy-on-the-shrimp pasta alfredo, a turkey sandwich and whole fat yogurt with crushed pineapple and coconut cream, with snacks in between. I feel amazing, and slept like a champ. Shaking my head! Really?! My body has been trying to tell me this for decades! Eat that drumstick girl….
Anyway, you can’t lose weight without energy and restful sleep, so there’s that. Maybe now I’ll feel like working out sometimes. We’ll see. That sweat thing…. But I addressed that shame, and I began to conquer it. As for the government pay scale, it’s behind me. My current course affords me the opportunity to command a price on services rendered. It’s actually based on what I do and how well. That was never my story in the federal government. I’m grateful for the change. I can go make myself proud.
As for that divorce thing, it was tragic. If we were at our strongest–if we had consumed a daily diet designed for our specific union–it wouldn’t even be an issue. I feel like we were better and smarter than a divorce statistic. But I fully realize that people and their priorities are constantly changing. It is what it is. Still waiting for my lifetime partner to show himself, and I’m kind of excited about it. God always sends me the best presents!
Meanwhile, I’m getting my emotional strength up, appreciating that vulnerability is the doorway to all the other wonderful feelings in life. I’m treating my body better. Listening to it. I’m using the past as a troubleshooting guide. If this goes wrong, consult the back of the book for that other similar thing that happened and remember it may not be exactly that, but you could find a solution all the same. Then leave it right there. Go back to where you left off.
I’m done beating myself up over whatever. I want to live! When I think about it, I have endless talents, I’m adaptable, and I can think on my feet. I’m taking my own advice– I’m gonna “bottle that shit up and sell it.” Reviving the podcast, cranking out lifestyle and instructional videos for my YouTube channel on the single mama saga and a life of necessity I started 2 years ago and did absolutely nothing with. Lots to do. Now that I’ll have energy, I will do more that brings me satisfaction and joy.
What does any of this have to do with you? Well, go listen to Dr. Brown’s videos, find your own shameful practices and dismantle them, be kind to yourself, then go be great. It’s pretty much all you ever need to do to attract what you want in this life and love it. Live! Be in the moment! Love on you! I promise you’ll sleep better, eat better, and love others better. Secure your own life jacket first.
From the mind of Tonya D Floyd.