What’s in it for me? That’s the question you should be asking yourself every time you make any kind of expenditure–of time, energy, or other resources. People will try to shame you for it, maybe call you selfish. But this is your life, and you are completely in control of how much of yourself you put out there. I met a guy at a tire shop once, who said: “If it don’t make dollars, it don’t make sense.” I wish I could say that was the day it clicked for me, but sadly it would be years later when I began to apply this “value added” mentality.
I must admit I have some trouble with this one when it comes to personal interaction. In business, I’m clear early on whether you’re going to waste my time or money on something I have no need for. It’s obvious to me that it’s your job to sell me something whether I need it, use it, or do nothing at all with it post-transaction. And I’m protective of my resources. But it’s technically the same exact thing when someone initiates a conversation, or asks a question, or shares a problem, or requests something of you. Value added? No? Keep it moving.
I used to get caught in situations I had zero desire to be in. People would just start talking, like I had to care. I’m special, and I’ve never really been one for frivolous conversation, but for some folks I would guilt myself into listening when I didn’t want to. And I took on their emotional energy, volleying it back to them. You’re asking for advice, which requires me to employ empathy. You just took me on a whole emotional ride with you. I mean, we’re friends/family so I gotta care, right? No indeed. What’s in it for me?
You want me to support your efforts to do what? Donate to what? Ride with you where? Babysit?! Invite you over for what? Date you? Sex you? Cook for you? Bake cupcakes and such, then bring them where? For what? Compensate me in some form for using my time, energy, knowledge, caring, money, and space. Elate me. Intrigue me. Teach me. Satisfy me. Love me up. Love on me!
I believe we usually get into trouble when we accept unsolicited requests for our resources. It’s the ones that catch you off-guard, like a kid in the grocery store parking lot asking for donations. Or the email you get asking you to buy something so the school can get a percentage, and the kid can get a crappy prize. It’s the relative who can’t afford to send their kid to Florida.
It’s the shoes that were on sale, even though you don’t need another black shoe. It’s the dress you may wear, even though it’s way too long/short (that was me, this week–both). It’s the “Hey stranger” text message, or the one with three little letters: wyd. It’s a trap! Don’t fall for it! How does that improve your quality of life? If there is no value added, abort mission.
Quality of life is the goal here. Do more of what adds to the experience, and give less to what takes away from it, or simply does not add. Do I need to remind you that time is not refundable, money is hard to come by, and energy comes at a premium?
Ok, well consider this post your reminder. It’s somebody’s job to sell you things, even if you don’t need them. It’s somebody’s mission to get something from you, for absolutely nothing. I take both personally. I’m offended, but if I go into it blind, I’m as much to blame as they are for stealing from me. So I always ask what’s in it for me.
From the mind of:
Tonya D. Floyd
Author, Baker, Realtor, Realist