I feel this energy in the air, telling me it’s time to make moves. Change is mandatory. What began as a slight discomfort at work has become a severe conflict of interest that can no longer be ignored. It’s like I’ve reviewed the mission of the agency, compared it to my own, and they are polar opposites. What they stand for I do not. My integrity is eating at me to do something different. It’s not like the other thousand times where I just felt a new agency or position was in order; this is bigger. I need to remove Tonya D. Floyd from the entire federal workforce and concentrate on my gift for helping people. You’re waiting for the big announcement, I know. But there isn’t one at this time. I’ve prayed on it, and I’m waiting for my answer. Meanwhile, I write. Much like a butterfly undergoes gestation in a cocoon I am being transformed in the quiet places of my mind while the world continues to turn around me. Waiting. Rebirth is imminent.
I started the next installation of the Nothing New series, continuing where I left off in The Sun Hasn’t Set. I also need to develop content for this week’s episode of Signature Moves. I have no idea what I’m talking about. The only thing I’m really feeling these days is pensive, heavy (shedding weight all over–inside and out), and attentive. Seriously this waiting thing has gotten much easier since I decided to let go and be led.
In my poetry book Epiphany, the title piece can be summed up by its last few words: You have to face the very thing you fear. In a nutshell, that’s what I’ve learned over the years, through my personal deliverance from several failures, and even as a result of actual failure and loss. I realize God takes care of my household, making sure our needs are met. I fell pretty far a few times but never hit the ground and broke into pieces. I was rescued right on time each and every time.
Fantasia has a song where she says “sometimes you’ve got to lose to win again.” She is so right. But it’s not terrible. It’s refreshing, relief, it’s liberating because the fear is practically dissipated. I feel so much better after having accepted the possibility that what I feared would come to pass. Even when it came, it wasn’t what I expected at all. Blessings came with it. My transition was guided and my fall was cushioned. I’m all right. It’s something like taking flight. I can’t even explain it any other way.
I got lost for a second. Just checking in to let you know I’m still here, and I’m excited about what my answer will be. Looking forward to the new. The previews were awesome. I trust completely in my Father’s wisdom, and I feel his love and protection. Ready for my next assignment. “Here I am Lord. Send me.”
From the Mind of:
Tonya D. Floyd, Author
“The Sun Hasn’t Set”
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