I’m compelled to send this late edition because amidst my own struggle, I am encouraged. I swear the devil has been busy around here lately, with big and little things, but I just feel this reassurance, and peace. Basically, I was inspired to share with you that it’s going to be all right. I’m shaking my head right now, because the list of crap that threatens my security is at an all-time high, and it seeps into my dreams when I do get to sleep. Man, I dreamed about fighting, losing my man (I don’t even HAVE a man), and roaches in my house. That might not sound bad to you, but all the above disturbs my peace. Then somebody in my house wants to smoke, somebody poured a drink out my new bottle I was given as a gift, and Kyle just keeps clinging like a breastfed kid. Why won’t he sleep in his bed? Still, all that tells me a couple of things–relief is closer than it looks, and I must be doing something right for that devil dude to be dancing on my head like this. I’m talking headaches and some more. He knows how I hate headaches.
That aint all. One thing that’s been a problem for some time is still a problem–my career situation. Still not sure exactly where I’m supposed to be, or if I am where I’m supposed to be RIGHT NOW and just don’t wanna hear that. I’m asking the question as I search, and I’m just not hearing the answer RIGHT NOW. Which one of you can feel me on this: “Purpose. Thinking about mine again. Trying to make up for 24 years of desk work in a condescending environment. So far I know I can lose myself in writing, solving problems, researching, strategy, advocating, arguing, negotiating, mediating, analyzing, carpentry, creative thinking, decorating, repurposing, and shopping for bargains. So how do I use any combination of those to get a 6-figure salary? Can’t afford to send Ari and me to the Arts Institute without it. Hmm…”?
I did some research like my life depended on it, and I found a literary agency I think is a good fit for me. Only I have no finished product to discuss when I pitch my request to them. I figured out today that if I drop some of the other stuff occupying space in my head, I could probably finish this guide to success during football season for women, or this novel, or something. I’ve been busy trying to find ways to market myself and stay relevant, so I haven’t done much writing. That’s the work of the devil. The whole point is to get an agent; right? Duh Floyd. Yeah. Get on that and forget the doing it yourself; that’s what the professionals are for. And don’t be mistaken; the point of a career move is not just for the personal development I could use. It’s about that bread. I just wanna be able to feed my kids AND handle my business when the child support doesn’t come–which is often. You wouldn’t believe that picture; the devil wants me to keep looking at it, but I happen to know we’ve been kept all these years, so we want for nothing. I just know that I could be doing so much more. And I want to.
I’ve been petitioning for a better situation elsewhere too, but the powers that be here on earth are not having it. They just keep stone-walling me. I realize there’s nothing I can do of my own power, but a peace has come over me since I sent it up for resolution. God’s will be done in all things; I trust in that. He’s never left me–not once. I noticed too that whenever I’m having an especially hard time with something, I get signs that it’s gonna be all right–usually through other people and their situations. I try really hard not to become despondent over whatever, but I must admit I get weak sometimes. And out of nowhere, I’ll hear about someone else’s deliverance, or vindication, or resolution, or something that just says it’s okay. Then I can hold on a little longer. I mean, it’s not like I go around talking about everything wrong, or how deeply it may affect me, but know that I have stuff. I just keep going back to the evidence of Jehovah’s presence, and try to hold on to that instead.
Earlier this week when I was going through, I posted a status on my Facebook page that said: “Take a serious look at where you are right now, in life, currrent surroundings, finance, education, relationship status, unfinished projects, everything. Now I want you to write down which of those you can change without anybody’s help. Then devise a plan for each. For the ones you can’t do alone, I want you to say a heartfelt prayer about it, and leave it right there while you work what’s on your list. Every time you feel nervous or sad or anxious about the other stuff, say another prayer. Mean it. Say it like you would to your best friend or parent or whomever you are closest to, and let it be. Work the list. Don’t stop praying. It’ll be okay.” I posted that as much for me as for anybody who needed to hear it that day. You know how I do; I write from the heart, for me and for you. Reminders pulled from real life just seem like they would be more effective than those recycled ones I see every so often. I just wanna share the feeling I’ve been blessed with. That’s why I’m in here talking to you instead of watching my game.
See what I’m saying about too much on the brain? Seriously, how am I supposed to think straight? I can’t compartmentalize all this on my own. So my prayer right now is that I can figure out how to prioritize it. And that you will be able to get the help you need as well. Whatever your brand of struggle, regardless of how big or small, or how plentiful the challenges, watch for those signs; cause it’s really gonna be all right. I just know. I hope you can feel it too.
From the mind of:
Tonya D. Floyd, Author/Owner
Versatili-T Creations LLC
“Keep your head to the sky.”–Earth, Wind & Fire
www.Versatili-T.com