“Expectation is the root of all heartache.” Some say it was Sir William Shakespeare quoted, but some say it wasn’t. It wasn’t me regardless, because I used to debate its truthfulness. I’ve come to appreciate how very accurate it is now though. I think expectation is more of a burden than anything. Every day, in every relationship we tend to place unrealistic expectations upon our people. We look at their potential, their resources, and even their past behavior and formulate these hypotheses about what they can and will do, based on our own view of the relationship, tradition, logic, background, morals, etc. We expect our kids to do well. We expect our mates to remember, provide, forsake all others, etc. But with free will, that could change in an instant. And we would suffer disappointment. So is that expectation stuff even fair, to them or to us?
My cousin shared this very thought several months ago and we began an intense discussion wherein I asserted that expectation is directly linked to hope, and hope is a thread of life that we need, and certain people should just be held to our expectations because of the nature of the relationship. I went on, with some really good points I might add. But the more I thought about it, and after applying it to relationships in my life, I changed my mind. I could clearly see how my expectations are an infringement on someone else’s right to be and do and think and go. And I hurt myself sometimes by thinking for them.
While in thought, I flashed back to past lies and promises unfulfilled. I realized I had put pressure upon people to live up to my expectations without even knowing it. Some people want to be liked, so they may agree to stuff they can’t really give, just cause you’re so hopeful, and happy. Then they let you down. And you’re crushed. That used to piss me off the most. But the mere fact that I would presume to know how another person should conduct their life is offensive now that I think about it. So I choose to let people show me who they are. And I treat them as such.
Am I happier with this new view of expectation? Yes and no. I mean, part of me still dies a little each time somebody fails to follow through on their word. Part of me just appreciates that I don’t have to sit on pins and needles waiting for something to happen, or not. It is what it is. I have accepted that in my relationships there will be things I can’t control or change, and it’s okay. When I’m supposed to do something, the tools and information will present themselves, and I will do something. Until then, my focus is on what I can accomplish with what I currently have. It’s a much simpler life. So in that respect, I’m happy.
From the Mind of:
Tonya D. Floyd, Author/Host
www.tonyadfloyd.com