I’ve been doing some thinking, slept a little bit, and I’ve concluded that I’ve probably always been a black sheep or red-haired stepchild in every group, every setting I’ve ever been in for longer than I can remember. Well, except with my mother. We actually have a lot in common I see (insert evil laugh). This isn’t exactly news, but it does put an end to the whole concept of me demonstrating any kind of compliance with most things for the remainder of my life, unless of course the Lord himself requires it. Not interested otherwise. Don’t be surprised. It depends on how I feel that day. When you see me, you’ll know. If you don’t see me, you’ll know even better.
I woke up with something on my mind today after having a talk with my son. I explained how sometimes people will do stuff to you that’s clearly wrong, but you have to endure it to learn to protect yourself in the future, and to learn not to be that way. We parents want to protect our kids from everything and prepare them for everything else, but some stuff they just have to live through to develop the tools necessary to slay that particular dragon. We then go from being that protective shield to being a soft cushion for them to land on. Threats are all around, and whether it be friends, family, or foe, they will take emotional hits. But my good friend reminded me this morning “they will either sink or float, and if they sink, they will learn to float.” So I’ll let them stay in the pool until I see the need to reach in.
It’s funny how some of my relationships have gone. I can think of a few people who started out tolerating me because of the relationship, graduated to taunting and flat out disrespecting me, then ended up with complete indifference. They clearly don’t give a rat’s behind if I’m breathing as long as I do it anywhere but in their space. The feeling is absolutely mutual in each instance, but I am overjoyed knowing I did not provoke or retaliate in any of these instances. They just can’t handle me. Cause they don’t understand me. Cause they don’t speak my language. And none of that is any of my concern. Doors closing…watch your step, and your fingers.
I live in the margin. I accept my role as the black sheep or the red-haired stepchild or that damn Tonya D. Floyd, whichever you want to call me. You fear what you don’t know. But get on out the way, cause it’s going down regardless. Reverend Lee spoke yesterday in the eulogy about how Joshua was Moses’ successor, and was doing things a new way. Everybody was used to certain things, but now not everything made sense. I’m sure they murmured and everything. In the end, God’s will was done and there were witnesses to it all. A different way is all you need sometimes. I take all that as confirmation of many things in my own life. Ain’t nothing wrong with me. What’s wrong with you?
From the Mind of:
Tonya D. Floyd
I love life in the margin.
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