So I have this headache. It’s not your average headache; it extends down the left side of my neck and into my stomach. It disrupts my eating habits, sleep pattern, and thought processes. Actually, it seems to be enhancing my thought processes. But it’s not good. I know it’s stress. I have a meeting today at one of the schools to keep the kid from being retained. I’m supposed to meet with the other school too, but I think I’m gonna ignore that request. I know it’s some BS; I just know it. I was sitting at my desk about to implode when I realized I had to just get up and leave. The sun replenishes me, so I caught some rays on the way to this computer. I feel a little better; still feel the urge to explode or pass out–not sure which, but something’s coming.
I keep thinking about recent conversations and situations that didn’t piss me off right away, but have crept up on me today and puddled around my brain. I should’ve said the bad words then; why do I keep fighting it? Oh, because the people I would say them to would just argue with me and probably make things worse. I’m trying to be responsible and only put good things out in the universe. But then I end up like this, burning up the keyboard, typing all fast and trying to catch up with the words and pictures in my head. There’s so much…I want it to stop. How do I make it stop? I tried avoiding the people who make me angry. I cut off people who I felt weren’t holding up their end of the relationship. I refuse to allow entrance to new people without a rigorous screening process, but I could be missing out on good information. I try staying to myself, but the kids are still here with me. I write, and I write, and I write. That’s not even putting a dent in this thing anymore. Mostly because the words I want to say shouldn’t be published; they’re so mean and true, I would damage things more than fix them. Is it worth it? At this point I know what I feel won’t inspire anybody else to change, but will it be enough to ease up this angst within me? Self-preservation and all…
After all these years, I think I’m finally there. We laughed about stuff, and you wondered about me, and some of us have even prayed about my issues, but I truly believe I have reached emotional heights here. No, wait; I know what’s happening. I know what I’m supposed to do now. A while back I said my contract with the publisher is up in May. I’m supposed to re-release From Where I Stand with my own label, and new material added. I’m being prepared; that’s what this is. When was the last time I wrote a poem about anything? I can’t remember–probably the last time I was in a relationship. But that’s where this all started–and it was the best therapy I’ve ever had. I told the truth, I processed, I learned, I vented, and I covered some sensitive material in a decent manner. I’ll just do it again. The only thing is being politically correct–or as close to it as Tonya D. Floyd can be–doesn’t fly anymore. I’m calling people out. I’ve told the offenders how I felt about certain things, in no uncertain terms, but they don’t care enough to do right by me–or my kids in some instances. Gloves off; my sanity is at risk. I can no longer protect those who are hell-bent on giving me the finger. I’m giving it right back. Stay tuned….
From the mind of:
Tonya D. Floyd, Author
Versatili-T Creations LLC
www.Versatili-T.com