I’ve been up since before 5am when somebody peed on me. He’s resting comfortably of course. But it’s fine; I usually don’t get much alone time these days, so I steal what I can in patches. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about my future, and I’m keeping track of the ridiculousness in my dreams because it makes for good fiction reading. Yes, I get book content while I sleep. Is that brilliance, or a sign of a disturbed individual? Whatever.
So anyway, I’ve been thinking about my future, and trying my best to formulate a good plan for it. Ever since my cousins died, I’ve had this overwhelming need to add quality to my life. A lifetime these days only goes for 24-41 years if recent history tells the story. So I’m determined not to waste time on frivolous things like a dead-end job that irritates me daily. No, really, it just got dumber. I’m so sick of being regarded as some clerical. I’ve heard about the dumb stuff that just comes with the job, and I know about the folks in power who look at my black face and think all I can do is get training to be the best admin type I can be. What? I need an assistant myself. Just goes to show it’s not always what you write on the resume, or what you show them you can do. Somebody who gives a damn has to be paying attention for it to work out. And so what I didn’t finish college. Did you know Steve Jobs dropped out? Now that’s a story of inspiration for you. Nobody sees or hears me, so I’ll do it myself, starting today. Thanks Steve.
Think about it–we spend most of our waking hours at or going to and from work, then the weight of the day goes home to our loved ones upon us. I’ve struggled with the idea that I’m ungrateful when others are unemployed, but I’ve also realized that anything that gets that much of your time should be rewarding in some other way, rather than monetary. And the pay really aint that good. I also know that without a big enough dream, and without a measure of faith, I’d be going nowhere fast. But I have both, so forgive me my friends when you tell me to suck it up and deal, or play the game, or that at the end of the day it’s gonna be okay and I say, pass. It’s the beginning of my day; I still have time to make something happen. Yeah, I’m making arrangements today for bartender school. If I can do it in a week, I’ll be earning tips by week two. I’m making plans today for my trip to Vegas. I’m making arrangements today for satisfaction, for quality, for life–on my terms. I used to wonder why I was so unhappy all those years I gave to the agency, but now I know it was because I’m not supposed to be there, and the distaste had to get bad enough for me to run far and fast, and never come back there.
If my lifetime ended tomorrow, I’d feel good that I finally made the decision to step out of the box. If my lifetime ended in six months, I will have accomplished something that mattered to me. I’m still writing, and maybe today I can sell 200 books, but by the time I’m done writing, I guarantee I will have sold millions. I do have purpose. It’s my job to see life from a different perspective than others and draw pictures with words that anyone and everyone can put themselves into–inspiring others, even if I have to use my own pains and embarrassments as a template. If everyone could see what I can see, I wouldn’t need to be here. I guess that makes me a translator. It doesn’t pay much right now, but it’s so very rewarding. And that’s fine.
From the mind of:
Tonya D. Floyd,
Pushing envelopes, defying odds, going against the grain.