It’s kind of funny when I hear this statement. People often use this as a motivator for OTHERS. I was thinking about it, and I can’t think of one soul who actually abandoned everything they were doing to pursue some exercise in faith, and survived. I mean, not without a nest egg or a nice severance package anyway. Like theoretically, if you release what’s holding you back, you should be able to float on air or walk on water. But the truth is the last guy who did that had Jesus standing beside him at the time. I’m wondering if it would’ve gone differently if he couldn’t see Jesus. Guess we’ll never know.
As for me, I do want to see a sign that things are going where they should before I let go of what’s holding me back. Otherwise, I’m thinking it’s not my time yet. Trust, one good run of book sales, t-shirt orders, or a request for an interview with someone noteworthy, and the I, the R and the S will see my black backside for the last time. Hey, I have four mouths to feed besides my own, and electricity is not optional. Can’t let go of the bird in the hand just because you believe there’s two in the bush over there.
I can’t really explain it, but it sort of feels like I’m there in some respects, like I’m being auditioned for what it will be like when I’m where I wanna be financially. There are things happening, confirmations showing, new followers, more exposure. But like I said in The Signature Movement, it’s like labor and delivery. You push and push, you know you’re almost there, and when you can’t push anymore, and your legs are wobbly, somebody reminds you the head is right there. If you can give just one more, just one more, it will be over. But you’re so tired, in so much pain, so very weak from pushing…and yet somehow you take that deep breath and leave it all there on the table.
It’s just not that easy to step out on faith without knowing the work you did was sufficient. Faith does not guarantee what you wish for; however, combined with works, and with God’s blessing, you can possibly get that. It’s not enough to believe, because our logic, our hearts, our sight is very limited in the grand scheme of things. You don’t know what you don’t know until the vision is revealed. So I wait.
Maybe it’s the way I’m made, but I always know when it’s time to make a move because staying where I am scares me way more than the step I’m about to take. Haven’t crossed that divide just yet. I get to push here and there, then rest. Contractions are five minutes apart. I’ll reassess when they’re on top of each other and I feel the overwhelming need to push until it’s all out. Then nobody can stop me, cause I’m pushing through, regardless.
From the Mind of: Tonya D. Floyd
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