Single, with potential to consider the right man life for me these days is like…so ghetto. These new men–trash. One star, do not recommend. Don’t fight me yet. I’ve seen arguments online lately about whether there are any good men out there, or if we’re just missing it. What I’m seeing is any man can say or believe he’s a good one; however, he doesn’t get to decide that he’s a good man without considering his market value. Who assesses this value? The pool of women who could choose him as a mate, and ultimately the one he would want to marry.
You might be good by 1990s standards, but you’re possibly a bit dated and need updates for women on their 2nd or subsequent marriages and careers in 2024. That ‘keep house and keep the motor running at all times’ mentality is not cute. We’ve been fighting for our lives out here. Soft is the result of a process which requires significant trust, investment and consideration. It’s possible, but it’ll cost you something upfront. Inspire me.
Don’t fight me yet. While I’m severely annoyed by the attitudes of some older men, with their cook for me/submit to me/cater to me Beta male expectations (alphas do not whine about submission; they just get shit done), I will concede that any woman wanting to be married to any man should be willing and able to demonstrate that she values him in ways he can appreciate. That brings me to my current point: What do you value in your life partner? Like what moves you to love, protect, provide, pamper, listen, invest, pour into your partner?
Don’t fight me yet…I gotta tell you, I’ve talked to more men lately with specific ideas about what women should do for them than women with lists of requirements. No woman can satisfy him, so he keeps a few, and he gets more of what he wants, but he’s still looking. Why? To me, that says you’re doing this all wrong. What do we call a kid who gets new toys, plays with them a couple of times, then throws tantrums for new toys because those are old or not that interesting anymore? Ungrateful. He just wants ALL the toys, right? What do we call people who collect closets full of things they never use, chase labels, pursue and post a lifestyle for the attention? Materialistic, shallow, fraudulent, etc. They just like shoes, cars, bills and stuff, right?
Collecting women to serve you doesn’t convey that you value them–it shows that you do not value them. Men by nature work for, pursue, find time to enjoy, and invest in what they value. They spend time and resources investigating, searching for the right one, then they make arrangements to secure it, protect it, maybe even display it, but don’t you try to touch it!
He loves everything about them, so he wants them all, right? Nah; it suggests he considers them disposable, accessory, inconsequential, easily obtained, readily available, to be used at his discretion, interchangeably…. Women could never collect men as openly or as freely. They have endless bad names for that kind of behavior in this society. But these dudes act like it’s natural for them to do it, and they real live try to play in your face like you should be glad to be in the number. Boy bye! You ain’t the catch! You are not the prize!
Call me old-fashioned, or more accurately, Bible-trained. A serial monogamist. But as someone who has seen and interacted with numerous couples over these five decades, the evidence supports these ideas: You’re supposed to be looking for your singular diamond that stands apart from the others. You’re supposed to be investing in the unique asset who will increase your value and shelter you from the storms. The goal is to elevate, sir. She should make you want to be better–physically, spiritually, financially, emotionally, intellectually,…. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: “Hitch your wagon to a star. She’ll take you places. Choose wrong and she will destroy you.” Fight me.
They don’t hear me though….
From the Mind of Tonya D Floyd–Author, Real Estate Professional and Lifestyle Consultant