“Whatever you are doing, work at it whole-souled as for Jehovah, and not for men.”–Col 3:23 (NWT) Sounds conflicting, but let me explain. You know how we do so many things for our kids, making sure they don’t lack where we did, and providing better than we had? Well, we messed up on that a little bit. I’ll go out on a limb and say we probably lost a little of ourselves and missed some of our spiritual training while we were working those hours outside the home, on that second and third job. So not only did we spoil our kids, we forgot to nurture ourselves properly.
I’m in a custody battle right now because one of these brats thinks he knows more than me, don’t need my guidance, and absolutely does not appreciate rules or accountability–and his father has his own motives. Do I feel some kinda way about that? Yep. But I take some comfort in knowing I did my job, prayerfully, faithfully, with my children’s best interest at heart. I did the right things for my family, based on my spiritual training, therefore I did it for me.
I’m sitting here strategizing, perusing job announcements, debating with myself about what I would be happy to get up and do daily for somebody else’s bottom line. Honestly, the part that bothers me is that I’ve given 26 years of my life to somebody else’s goals already, without so much as an incentive, so jumping to another ship seems frivolous–okay, stupid. I look back and remember when I knew I had to go. It was 1999–11 years in. I knew my personality wasn’t favorable there. I saw the kinds of people who got ahead, and how they did it. I knew I never would. I was actively pursuing my next career, and I was writing. But because I thought I had a reasonably secure retirement plan, and because my then-husband insisted, I stayed.
I took one for the team. Turns out he didn’t have my back then, and as long as I was working, he could do whatever he wanted with his own salary–three times what mine was. Do I feel some kinda way about that? Yep. But before I ever knew, I prayed on it, and I knew that if I took one for the team, and listened to my husband, I’d be provided for anyway.
I say do it for you–not out of post-education selfishness or anger like what I’ll NEVER do again, but because I have learned that even if you pray on a situation or decision, dangerous resentment can fester and grow. I say do it for you because what helps is knowing you weren’t forced to agree with something you knew in your spirit you couldn’t do. If you have prayed on it, your intentions are pure, and your goal is providing for or protecting those who matter most to you, when the flesh eats away at you and tries to make you feel some kinda way about decisions you made, you can tell it to chill, because there must have been a reason you were on that path.
You prayed on it, researched it, and you made the choice you could live with at that time. You did it for you. When you stepped out on faith, you did it for you. Whatever you learned, you will need. But don’t be bitter. That doesn’t serve you. Conversely, if you find that your decisions have always been for somebody else, and you knew you didn’t like it, that bad taste showed up in your mouth, your gut flipped, and you couldn’t catch your breath, well, you know God wasn’t in that mess to begin with. So you shouldn’t have been there either. That clearly was not for you or the greater good–it was never gonna be for you. I say again, if you learned it, you will need it. Always pray on it, then whatever choice you’re guided to make will be for you, because you’re doing what God requires of you. No regrets.
From the Mind of:
Tonya D. Floyd
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