Last night I dreamed I was getting married again and some past “friends” were there. Everybody I would expect to attend really. In the dream I was setting up the venue and realized I needed to stop and get dressed, so I was gonna text somebody to ask for help. I couldn’t decide who to text though. Like who would help? I woke up feeling all the judgment!
I sat here knowing those heifers were pity friends, like all those years they were in save-a-ho mode, Operation Save Tonya Floyd cause she’s our little retarded friend. Don’t know how to act, what to say or how to be quiet. Always got some great idea brewing, but it ain’t paid off yet. Why she can’t just get in line and get with ANY program? And wth was she doing with THAT dude? 🙄🤨😡 So y’all real live thought these were flaws…. SMH. It’s like you don’t even know me.
The truth is when I allowed you in the Circle, I was super excited. I brought you on as peers, whom I respected as women of like mind, with whom I could grow and savor life’s experiences, exchanging valuable information and skills along the way. I chose winners for my circle, because iron sharpens iron. I envisioned a genuine sisterhood of powerful, loving supporters who had each other’s backs. I was 100% ready and willing to use my gifts, talents and network to support you no matter what.
I shouted you out, I was actually proud when you accomplished something, and I was cheering for you no matter what the goal/achievement because that’s how I roll for my people. I was seriously proud to know you and call you my friend. I thought every woman needed sister friends. I didn’t ask for no damn mentors or superiors or judges to keep me straight. I chose mentors already. That was never your job. Then some of you fake “looked up to me” and judged every failure, every hurt, every challenge like I never deserved your respect in the first place. I was just living my life. Y’all got this ALL wrong. I’m not sorry for anything I said or did or felt or refused to do.
When I lost everything, I leaned on you and some talked about me while others said I should just get over it; it was a dumb choice in the first place. But I rose from the ashes and created a whole new lane. Now you don’t know how to talk to me or what to do with me cause I’m clearly NOT your little retarded friend. I never was. You just can’t see what I can see. You don’t think like I think. I don’t fault you for that. I’ve always been different. Imagine me looking down on you for working your day job, working on your marriage or keeping your man. You don’t even know what that looks like, cause that’s not how I roll.
I pray you never lose your home, your husband, your job or your security blanket, cause you never believed YOU could, and so you haven’t planned for it. I have to ask, what DO you have to fall back on? Family maybe? But you take care of everybody, or you like to think so. What’s your Plan B? What you got in that handy toolbox of yours besides judgment and superiority? When life no longer looks like you expect that it should for someone like yourself, what will you do? Who will you turn to? How will they treat you? How will you feel?
I guess it’s possible you’ll be spared the agony because it would actually destroy you. You followed all the rules, played the game, kept your mouth shut AND walked the line that was drawn for you. You only know how to be part of the collective. Yeah, you’ll be all right. You played nice and somebody will remember that and offer an assist. You’ll be fine, probably.
Hey, we don’t talk like we used to, or hang out, or anything really, because we don’t have that much in common. But just know I was always your friend and I want nothing but the best for you. Take care of yourself. Maybe I’ll see you around somewhere. Toodles!
From the Mind of Tonya D Floyd
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