Mercy. Grace. Undeserved kindness. Love. Forgiveness. Peace. These are some of the best gifts I’ve ever received, and as such, they’ve allowed and encouraged me to do nice things for others on occasion. The truth is I’m not a nice person; it is never my first inclination to reach out. Do this exercise with me–reach out in front of you with one arm. See how vulnerable that leaves you in some sensitive spots? While your arm is extended, you could be pierced in the heart or lung, kidney, or liver…any of which could be fatal.
Yeah, I learned at an early age to withdraw, withhold, protect, conceal, and defend myself so as to avoid fatalities. Whenever my arms were open, bad things happened. I realized I wasn’t built for that, and I developed armor. But Jehovah saw a need, and filled it–over and over. Every now and then that came in the form of a person, with information. Other times it came with money. Sometimes food. A place to stay. Comfort.
There were blessings both seen and unseen, and as our relationship grew, I decided that I would try reaching out on occasion because he promised he had my back. And he doesn’t push me, but he gives me opportunities, so when I see those, I know it’s time for me to use my talents or give something away as an act of gratitude for what I’ve been given.
It’s kind of like paying it forward. I reach out in confidence now because of our relationship. Because he loves me, I want to make him proud, show him that I’m growing, that I’m appreciative, and I know my efforts count with him even if they don’t with humans. I reach. But not all the time. And not because I just have it in me to do so. Work in progress here.
Every now and then I reach out and end up wounded. But it’s okay; you get hurt in training sometimes. Just remember the reasons for why you do what you do, and shake it off. I get mad at myself for missing signs, not seeing the blow coming, misreading the opponent and all that. But I can’t become vindictive or judgmental or otherwise emotional and lose focus on my goal because the fight is still going on, and loss of focus could indeed be fatal. I remember why I’m in this, I recall my gifts, and I build up the courage to reach out yet again. Right, right, left, upper-cut… I’m getting better, faster, more accurate, and I’m reading my opponent better with every blow. I’m focused. I’m in this. I got this.
From the Mind of:
Tonya D. Floyd
With me or against me?
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