“The cobbler’s children have no shoes.” I imagine this is one result of a relationship based on expectation. This one is also known as a one-sided relationship, with neglect. He expects you to understand that he’s busy, overworked, trying to make a living by which his family will benefit overall, and therefore has no time to properly care for the family’s immediate needs. Just a little longer. You’re next. If I get this customer, we’ll be set. And this customer…. You’re at the back of the line, but he expects you to be ok with that.
Damn that! I SEE you, and it doesn’t agree with me. I can’t EXPECT you to change for me, or recall when we were a priority. I must act on my own behalf, based on what you’ve shown me. You don’t have my best interest at heart, and you’ve repeatedly shown me I’m not as important as what you’re chasing. You probably EXPECT me to chill though. And you EXPECT me to be supportive and not make you feel bad. Tragic. I believe you should absolutely feel bad.
Expectation crosses into business dealings also. You’ve dealt with someone so long, they expect you to understand they’re chasing new business, so you’ll have to wait. They eventually start the job, mess up the budget and supply numbers because they’re rushing, not paying attention to detail. They send their best workers to other jobs, because new business needs their best effort. They expect that you understand the goal. New business must be impressed. Well, you may as well say new booty, cause I feel like you’re taking me for granted, like you don’t value me the way I require.
From where I stand, you treat your best business like royalty, and they bring you new business. Everybody’s happy. You do not put me on the back burner to accommodate someone who has proven nothing, thereby owing/promising you the same–nothing. Especially when I’ve been good to you. I withdraw. Your fault. Moral of the story: Don’t let people get too comfortable with you. They no longer feel the need to impress you, and they start chasing new booty. Everybody loses.
For the last several months, I’ve been on my soapbox about removing oneself from one-sided and abusive relationships of all kinds. This is a movement so near and dear to my heart. I am so tired of struggling with other people’s mess. No more passes. I’m removing myself because things about you grieve my soul, and I’m just not going to cooperate.
I don’t want to understand. Even if I did understand, I probably would not agree with whatever that is you have going on. I’m not going to put my feelings or needs in my pocket until a more suitable time arises for you to consider me. Do you know who I am? Like, have we met? I’m pretty damn phenomenal, and an asset everywhere I go. Don’t play me like a bad knock-off. I’m top notch. So serious right now.
Kids are huge perpetrators of the one-sided relationship phenomena. We literally lose blood, sweat and tears bringing them here, caring for them, then eventually watching them screw up their lives as adults. And they constantly ask for help, and other stuff. My two young adults have taken to “shaming” me for my alleged failings as a parent. Well bye then.
Whenever I deny them something, I’ve failed miserably as a parent in the past also. When I ask them to clean anything, they recall when I used to do it myself, or when I never asked the other one to do that. I hear a lot of: “Why does it have to be me?” And lately I’ve been getting: “You don’t do anything for me. You don’t help me.” What? What madness is this festering in my home? You better watch yourself, letting the devil use you like that. Each of them fully expects me to bear the brunt of their anger, pay for their father’s voluntary absence, feel inadequate, probably break down and cry, and stop bothering them with my petty ravings and requests. Maybe they expect me to absorb the negativity and examine my parenting ability for ways to improve.
I wish I would! If they don’t get their raggedy, disrespectful, dirty, trifling, needing, inept asses out of my space, some feelings will soon be crushed. And I don’t mean my own. They’re gonna need therapy for the truth I’m about to spill. Do you know who I am, you miserable little post-millennial brat?! I will crush you, your absentee father, and all your stupid expectations.
Did I mention I am tired of struggling with other people’s mess? These children are not exempt. My contractor is not exempt. My old job was not exempt. I fired them. I don’t expect you to understand or agree, but it is what it is here. Not carrying bags for you, baby. I’m at a pivotal point in my life, with direction and dreams. I need to apply every ounce of my positive energy toward accomplishment, and doing what God requires of me.
I intend to make myself proud, in very short order. I literally do not have the time or energy to be bothered with other people’s expectations of me, in any realm. They must remain none of my business. It’s totally for my own benefit. And I’m all right with that. It’s about damn time too. Bad mother my &$#@$% big toe! Clowns everywhere…. Say NO to one-sided and abusive relationships, of ALL kinds!
From the mind of:
Tonya D Floyd,
Beautiful Badass Businesswoman and Single Mama
makesignaturemoves.com